By Elaina
Date: 17 January 2001

I Can't Be Me

I can't sleep
I can't eat.
I cry at the
sight of myself.
So digusted
by what I see
in the mirror.
I've been hiding
for so long
in this barrowed
shell of how
I portray myself.
Imprisoned by
the coward who
won't let me speak.
I'm sick...I'm tired,
and I can't go
out like this.
I can't be what
I want, so I'm
constantly striving
for perfection.  I
used to fail and
then keep trying until
I got it right,
but now...now I just
can't face the fear
that I'll never
succeed. I can't
stand that you're
there watching me
and that you might
see me slip into
who I've thrown away.
I don't want you to
see me fail.  I can't
let you see that I
am so far from perfect.
No, I'm not a perfectionist,
I don't have a place
for eveything, and NOTHING
is it it's place.  But
me I can't except anything
but the best and if I don't
find it in one spot
then I'll look somewhere
else until, I find
something that I'm good
at. And even when I'm
good, until I'm the best
I'll reamain this
foolish withered soul.


Sorry for any typos I'm in a hurry. Too much to do and not enough time to do it. If i didn't take a break and express myself was afraid I was going to fall apart.

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