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By Michael T (amnesiac) Submitted by MichaelT() Date: 2001 Oct 07 Comment on this Work [[2001.10.07.14.54.5082]] |
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I love the movie Momento. I didn't know why I loved it so much the first time I saw it there was this strange sense of epiphany like I was watching this movie and it was telling me something about myself the central premise in Momento is this guy who really loves this woman that's really all he can remember for sure he knows how he feels he remembers the feel of her and he's trying to figure out what's going on but he can't remember for longer than 15 minutes or so so he keeps notes to himself the only thing he thinks he can trust since his memory is especially faulty, his attention span is criminally short, and he can't keep it all in his head. I don't remember all of what happened between me and her the memories are filmed with a blurry camera shown on a fuzzy screen framed as the funny pictures of her time with me. I look back at the evidence. Emails, group pictures, momentos actions, memories. We were friends we flirted. I was in love. Fifteen minutes later I wasn't and we were just friends Fifteen minutes later I'm in love again. Trying to read her face and actions to see how she feels all I can tell is that sometimes she's nervous when I'm close unconciously preening herself fifteen minutes later we're just friends Do/While. What I mainly have are these paper memories of inspired fantasies and real life interpretations what what I saw and felt which isn't necessarily what happened. I've got eyewitness testimony to yet another unsolved mystery the mystery of how she feels about me. And I wonder if I changed the color of the car the numbers on the liscense plate the driver of the vehicle the number of shots fired in my flawed imperfect memory. Do I lie to myself to make myself happy? Is the way she brushes up against me my imagination? Is the light in her eyes when she sees me for me or for everyone? Is the change in her voice for me or is it my imagination? Does the way she wants to be hugged mean anything? Do the random calls to share something special that happened mean anything? Is she really so happy to see me? Was the way she felt up close to me while we were slow dancing - was that real? Were we really dancing that close? Do I lie to myself to make myself happy? Am I still lying to myself? Am I walking down a path I lied to myself to take because the truth is too ugly to face? Am I crazy? Sometimes she says that I'm not listening to her. Some days we talk for hours She's never said she loved me. The only thing I know for sure is that she's not in my arms right now. Do I lie to myself to make myself happy? Is the fact that I love her an accident? or was it a crazy man running wildly into traffic? or was it manslaughter? |