|
By Misti Date: 2002 Mar 07 Comment on this Work [[2002.03.07.23.46.29947]] |
|
would you look at me with all my oopses oops...too many donuts (i still remember the blue rayon dress i wore) (4th of July at Crider's deep in the heart of) (they whirled me around the dance floor) (hot damn but i was gorgeous that night) no more size 5/6 and oops with the razor my eyebrows look like I'm trying to look ugly on purpose oops a daisy hot damn i look crazee with my wild Eraserhead hair and sparkly beige lipstick what am i trying to prove this far past sixteen? the sheen is gone but I'm not alone you tell me countless times I'm beautiful/sexy/adorable you still desire me even though I look nothing like the Misti Looking Pensive photo you fell in love with online I'm silent/moody/faraway you ask why try to draw me back into our charmed circle of married intimacy I tell you that I'm thinking of my senior year in Fredericksburg the football players who called me Skank once you're branded Skank you never fucking forget it it's an odor you can never wash away no, not even with Warm Vanilla Sugar/Freesia/Green Apple not even with increased cup size kohl lined blue eyes familiarized with loaded lust so I trash my junior high yearbooks 'cause I was a misfit even then and as I carry boxes up the stairs to our new apartment I see our across the hall neighbor watching me from the top he smiles at me and says,"how's it goin?" and i say,"pretty good, thanks" go inside and see the lipstick on my teeth it's so good and I'm grateful that you love me 147% your reassurances warm me like Campbell's but my neck is broken from looking back over my shoulder one second later I'm colder from the chill of knowing I don't love myself still. |