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By Misti Date: 2002 Jun 03 Comment on this Work [[2002.06.03.22.09.2936]] |
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in the first e-mail i ever sent you i told you i thought of myself as a gay man trapped in the body of a woman admitted that i got that from Madonna but i knew exactly what she meant all pretense aside i never really explained it to you beyond that but shit, man you've read my poems and stories and screenplays and endured enough of my dramas and made love to me enough times to glean some understanding right? i hope you know 'cause when I'm gone no one else will be able to translate and carry it all on i read David Trinidad's poetry and nod my head yes...yes...oh, yes...been there felt that there is nothing more humbling and shocking than the revelation i had at Job Corps at my most desperate and delovely when i sucked off a guy a couple of years my junior in the back of the bus and enjoyed it knowing he'd tell anyone who would listen knowing he'd never reciprocate it was ambrosia i was thirsty and i drank deep knowing it wouldn't keep...i was dumped flat on my perfect round ass a couple of weeks later i cried and denied the fact that he was no damn good in fact...he was just another tool i used against myself razors make me squeamish so i choose masochism of a much more antiseptic order for a quarter i will ...well, we won't get into that here for a beer i will do a whole helluva lot have done a whole helluva lot and you tell me you feel cheated, my love my husband my other half the one man who loved me enough to buy the puny cow how you wish you had been there to see me livin' it large without regret back in the day when i bragged to anyone who would feign to listen that i didn't have a moral code just a notebook or two filled with poems and a Lord Byronesque lust for life you wish you coulda seen me grab it by the balls and make it bounce the kama sutra casually interpreted the names...all the names...written in my journal to make it last my past which i carry around like dirty rocks in my pockets turns you on if you had seen me dancing at The Satin Saddle The Wild Rose All-Stars The Wild Zebra Fantasy Ranch you would have asked me for more than a dance you would have carried me away to your white gleaming castle meanwhile i am dreaming of a day when i can emulate June Cleaver without feeling like Johnny Depp in drag. |