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By RainbowChaser Date: 2002 Nov 10 Comment on this Work [[2002.11.10.11.22.11138]] |
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You made me complete you filled the gap in my heart the doubt in my mind that wondered, does anyone love me? Why does this constant nag stay in my mind I know that I'm an intelligent person but sometimes i doubt that I'm a good, lovable person do you see a contradiction there? A lot of people don't understand this my family especially, because they tell me that I've been loved and ask why am i so starved for love like i've never had it but the fact is, I need love to reaffirm who I am Some people are like wolves who need no love to survive my mother is much like that but me, I am like a glutton the more love I have, the more I want I am like a vanity case I need love to assure me of my position, I live to be admired, appreciated I strive to be understood to fit in Why is there this constant desire to find what I feel has been lost To remember what has been forgotten They say each person in this world is looking for something I'm looking for two things: love and happiness Love makes the world go round but so many people take it for granted I have a large problem with professing my love to someone and then seeing them go away and lose that feeling Happiness has always been a fleeting dream for me whenever it comes in my life, it seems to last for such a short time because i'm the person that drives it away and instead focuses on the sadness maybe it's hereditary my mother, the wolf, never seems to need love, or at least not from me but now she asks that i let her in but i can't it's too hard to go back and my walls are afraid of being shattered i'm afraid of losing control and i'm afraid of being hurt everytime I let someone into my heart they hurt me, they use me, they disappoint me I set myself up to expect their perfection to bask in their beautiful shine that they will bring to my heart only to discover that this isn't reality then, they come to me, and proclaim their love to me, and tell me how wonderful i am but i can't stand it, don't they know, i will only let them down don't put me on a pedastal, don't give me a medal, i am but one of many I am loyal, but only to a point there is another part of me, that hurts me, and will only hurt you she can't be close to one, because of the actions of another she seeks to drudge up memories of the past, to haunt the present and the future But this time I tell myself it will be different I will change I will seek to experience love as if it were the first time does it hurt you that I don't let you in? Does it gnaw at your very being that I doubt you that i've expressed caution and fear I'm afraid of you, because I stand to lose so much if you drop me from my fantasy I would go insane at this point in time if you were lying to me If you are in any way planning to hurt me, go away now If you are plotting to uncover all my secrets and use them against me, tell me now If you tell me now, I can make a graceful exit Don't tell me what I want to hear, tell me what is true, what is in your heart My heart aches with memories of the past I'm a prisoner by that which I can't let go Hold me, hide me, never let me go if that's what you want, if it's not, stop speaking to me, with no explanation It's easier that way, I've found when you don't know what you did, you can always wonder but your other half can't use it as evidence against you So go away quietly, if you want to escape Right now, you complete me, in so many ways Although, I may look at your flaws, it's only a protection, a barrier from the fall I am about to take Could you be the end to a happy ending I've searched for my whole life? |