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By TJ Holland Date: 2002 Nov 10 Comment on this Work [[2002.11.10.23.09.12444]] |
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"I am blind. I have seen you for who you truly are. I have seen the world." Humans rely much on their sense of sight. It is, perhaps, a mistake, but one we are naturally disposed to making. Though sight does provide us with much beauty it also provides, at times, much pain. There are compensations to make with or with out sight. If you were blind, and I lied to you, you would hear the near imperceptible undulations in my voice that indicated such. You would touch my skin to feel the flush or the sweat or the cool damp. You would hold my hand to feel the tiny tremble. I you had sight, and I lied to you, you would watch my eyes. Did she look at me? Why does she look to the upper right corner of the room? You would see me swallow nervously, perhaps. You would watch my fingers play with my ring, my hair, a pencil from the table. If I lied, who would know for sure? Who would find me out first? The sighted or the blind? There are many things missed by using eyes. I have to admit, I can see, but I often neglect to turn on lights when I wake up in the middle of the night. Not only is the harsh light an insult to my very vulnerable senses at that time, but I seem to be very good at navigating in the dark. I use a sixth sense to find what I need, to avoid obstacles. I do other things 'blindly' too. I like to shower in the dark. I can find what I need by memory, feel, and 'zen'. Perhaps, instinctually, I feel as though I am in a womb again. I don't know. I just know it is soothing to me. I like to have my eyes closed and lie beside a person to talk. That way, I pay more attention to other important information besides looking at their expressions. I think I have learned that I understand them better this way. Maybe this way I can hide from knowing too much, as well. And sometimes I need to close my eyes to block out this world and all that pushes itself in my face. Because I do so much daily living without 'eyes' I have thought in the past that I could be blinded tomorrow and not care. Not feel extreme consequenses. I know this is a lie. Some of the most important things to me are provided by my ability to see. I like to look at the sky. It's an ever changing canvas from God. His artwork. I watch it always, and love doing so. I would not want to miss this. I want my eyes so I can see my children's faces. They are beautiful and they will never again look like they did when they were 2 or 4 or 7 or 10. I want to hold those memories. I lie with my face close to the ground and look at the minute details of nature. The soil. The center of a flower. The 'fur' on a bumble bee. The texture of tree bark. The designs on stones. The rust on a broken pipe. The lines in my hands. The texture of a lover's skin. The colors of everything. I see the faces of people. Each beautiful in a different way. Each ugly in individual ways. Each interesting. If I were blind I would not have seen the old man yesterday. A reminder of soldiers long gone. Alone, bent with age, pacing the sidewalk in the dark at 7pm with his sign that pleaded, "No war." Though blind or not, my eyes would have dropped their tears anyway. The blind know much. Yes, perhaps more than those who have sight. Both have eyes, but not all who have eyes can see. -Tara Holland |