By wistful
Date: 2005 Mar 28
Comment on this Work
[[2005.03.28.00.28.316]]

Begin

There is no way to begin a change, but to begin.
This undirected energy will burrow me into the ground.
A time for rebirth, I counseled.  Mine too.
I want him because he is unattainable.
Fully admirable, yet for me, I would only lose myself
To serve, and not be served myself.
I can't go back, and yet I want to.
Because I lose myself.

I'm filled with anger
which turns to self-pity
which turns to regret
which turns to self-loathing
which turns to longing
which turns and turns and turns
As I type
ever slower
until the letters dry up
And I stand transfixed by my own reflection
Marveling that others do not see the picture in the attic
that stares back at me.

Begin somewhere
Do something.
Clear a space for something new
And do not let the tide of all that remains undone
Overwhelm into immobility.

The pain, unattended, only grows
This inertia is its feeding ground
Running only returns me to the pain faster

Begin.