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By darwin Date: 2008 Apr 10 Comment on this Work [[2008.04.10.16.48.25491]] |
| i wake nights alone. in the middle of the hour before dawn, unable to fall back asleep. it's what i haven't been able to get used to in over the year i've been alone. the nights when i would wake before, there was someone to roll over and tell the nightmares to. someone to rub my back until sleep came once again. those nights are gone and have been for a while now. i don't miss him, i'm glad he's gone. but i miss sharing the bed with someone, truly sharing. the spaces that are shared with legs and toes to warm each other in the cold winter nights. now when the nights get hard, i shout it into the wind. hoping that my nearly whispered cries reach someones ears. that somehow this solitude that i have found myself in releases itself. it used to be words, once upon a time. some defense against the years, and excuses mumbled in the forms of nouns and adverbs, keeping life at bay. it can't do that any more. life hedges in when we think we've kept up our defenses. it finds the cracks and crevices, and like weeds it can grow even in the most severe of droughts. and i realize that it's not even life i'm afraid of any more, it's that nobody will know my life. that there will be no one to know who i am one day, and i'll just fade into some distant past. that woman next door....the one with the cats. |