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By Laurel Ahlfeld Date: 2011 Jul 31 Comment on this Work [[2011.07.31.17.42.7535]] |
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The morning sun slips between my lids And the slats of my wooden blinds My first night of sleep in days Aided by two little blue pills I can still feel them in me My head is cloudy My hands are shakey But with what I've felt this way before Is it the hunger? I haven't eaten in days I can't Only when you're around When you've been so kind to stay Does hunger consume me When you are mine But not mine But mine... I'm confused I try to shake the clouds away They're lingering in my brain Their bottoms are heavy and grey With rain or tears, I don't know I try to think clearly I shouldn't have taken the pills But I needed so desperately to not be And yet still to be Just a break from my mind A space between the aches From the confusion Because I have loved and lost But never like this before I have loved you and lost you But you aren't really lost Just placed beyond my reach Where I can see you And sense you But cannot have what is mine It feels wrong to be without you Because I am still with you I've heard the words But I haven't felt them They are foreign to me I am still yours It isn't a decision It just is I can't make myself not belong to you I have since the day we met And the coldness you drive between us It melts when we are Because we are This is true I cannot lie to you I think of the last night You almost held my hand Then pulled away As if it was wrong The inaction cut me deep Because everything about this Had always been So Right I told you it was okay So you took my tiny hand in yours I squeezed you so you knew it was real But what I wanted to say was Of course you can hold my hand Because my hand is no longer my hand It is yours It always has been It has simply been waiting for you to find it But the words came out as a squeeze I wonder if you heard them anyway My hands are still shaking But the clouds are rolling away The clarity of the pain is returning The wrongness of this decision Made without my consent I am still yours begins screaming in my blood I feel the heat of thoughts in my veins My heart pumping it through my body Thump-thump I'm-yours thump-thump Not a minute has gone by Where being without you feels right Thump-thump I'm-yours I can't pretend Not with you Thump-thump |